The positive Side of Corona: A story about fear
Some people have a fear of heights, a fear of snakes or a fear of public speaking, I don’t really have any of those. What I discovered that I had was a fear of speaking in Arabic publicly, my third language, and even worse, on a live morning show.
I have rejected previous requests and even big job offers that required impromptu speaking in Arabic and I did it without even flinching. But this time, thanks to Corona slow-down of life, I had time to actually think about my response. Why did I systematically reject these opportunities? So many reasons motivated me to move forth and do a short Arabic interview. But many more reasons held me back and the overwhelming feeling of fear kicked in.
Some of the many thoughts were: You can’t speak Arabic, you will embarrass yourself, you will sound like a fool and so on. Then on top of it all, I am 2 months post-partum and I am not back to my pre-pregnancy weight so I had thoughts that reminded me that I looked fat, I wont look good on camera and that it is too early to be doing this. So the list and the many voices of self-criticism were immense. To be completely honest, I almost decided to call and cancel it when I was on my way to the studio because it was so overwhelming.
But then I did it. I didn’t faint, I didn’t puke, I didn’t black-out and all the other fear based scenarios didn’t play out. Puuh, alhamdullilah! so I was pretty sure that it was a pass. I should feel relief, right?
Sure! For about 10 minutes.
Then the rumination starts. The replaying of that event over and over again. Trying to spot the errors and think about the improvements. Instead of celebrating myself, I let it happen for the whole ride back home. What an exhausting and typical type A personality trait.
Then I got home, took a deep breath and met my beautiful newborn daughter. Every care in the world disappeared. And I remembered what I want for her, for my clients and for everyone out there. It is to simply try. So what if it isn’t perfect? I don’t want her to fear failure but rather fear not trying.
So, here it is: I tried, I did my best and that’s all we can expect from ourselves.